Invitation to a Coup

Let’s take over Equatorial Guinea.

Sure, it’s been tried before but those British aristocrat types have struggled with growing empires for a while. Us Americans are just finding our stride.

Besides, no one in America will notice or care unless we give them cause to worry over “national security.” For a few million dollars in your bank account, I’m sure you could handle buddying up with George W. Bush and Condoleeza Rice.

We strike while the world is focused on Zimbabwe. The way I see it, the general population will be on our side as long as we show them that we can win. Get things off to a spectacular start and momentum should take care of the rest. From there it’ll just be a matter of improving things slightly (only necessary in the short term, on a whim we can tighten things back up once we have the populace stabilized) and taking advantage of the oil.

Better still, we’ll be the good guys. This guy deserves to be overthrown. We get the best of both worlds. We can be ruthless and despotic while simultaneously being admired the world over. No one’s accomplished that since Che Guevera. And I’m at least as photogenic as that guy.

With the proper financial backing, we might not even have to fire a shot. Teodoro Obiang has his own personal security detail of course. But get this, it’s not made up of his own countrymen. Apparently, he can’t trust them so he’s got some Moroccan mercenaries pulling protection duty. I’m not an expert on mercenaries, but it seems to me that all we need to do is offer them more money than he is. Boom-bada-bing. Bing-bada-boom. We’re gettin’ rich. Obiang’s in a tomb.

Published in: on June 30, 2008 at 4:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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