Thanks to the intrepid journalism of Jenn Thompson, I now know the “bizarre origins of wedding traditions.”
It’s definitely safe to call them bizarre, but who would have thought the practice of tossing bouquets and garters would have such a carnal root.
It used to be that after the bride and groom said, “I do,” they were to go immediately into a nearby room and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride’s dress as it was ripped from her body.
Sometimes the greedy guests helped get the process going by grabbing at the bride’s dress as she walked by, hoping for a few threads of good fortune. In time, it seems, people realized that this was all a bit, well… creepy, and it was decided that for modesty’s sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride’s undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, seal the deal.
Wow, never would have guessed that. Next time you’re at a “traditional” wedding, if that’s not how it goes down, tell them they’re full of shit. Then, let them know how it’s supposed to work. Sure, you’ll probably get kicked out, but you’ll have a funny story to tell.
The more you know about the past, the more you have to divorce yourself from romantic notions that it was a time of elevated moral rectitude. That’s kind of sad.
On the bright news, this newfound knowledge means I can tag this post with ‘sex.’ It’s sure to be popular.